Thursday, September 24, 2009

After Tonight.

I'm supposed to be asleep, my first day of my 4th year at University is tomorrow, technically today, and i'm up. I was laying down and my brain just didn't seem to want to be at ease. So i decided to release it, hoping that this will be the key.
As the clock tick-tocs away for tomorrow (today) i'm becoming more nervous. I mean i don't really understand why, i could see if this was my last year or something. Let me bluntly express, ITS NOT! i have about another half of year to a whole year left after this year. I was bother by this discover at first. I went back home for a few days and most of my friends that went off to school are finishing up this year, sadly to say i'm not.

Well i shouldn't say 'sadly' because im not really sad, just jealous lol happily jealous of those who will be done with the school drama'rama... I knew going into school that itll take me at least 4 1/2 years to finish at minimum, because of the program im in, when i graduate i will have my BA and a teaching credential, so i that the flip side :0). ok enough bout that, what i want to say is that.
School goes by fast, hell Life goes by HELLA fast! I'm 20yrs old and going into my 4th year and i can still remember my first day of 7th grade, what i wore and how i felt about that one spectacular girl i met that first day and FELL IN LOVE! :-) ok back to now...nowadays chaz stay on topic!
yeah, life goes by fast, alittle too fast at times. Sometimes i wish i could go back a couple of years ago. just to spend more time with someone i lost.. The song that is keeping me up is 'After Tonight" by Justin Nozuka came out last summer. I feel in love with that song. I reminds me a feeling of assurance. its a great song.
This is a new feeling im feeling right now, a feeling of sorrow/longing for my friend i lost last summer, he would have been finishing up his last year in school.
This is a feeling of seriousness, like i have to buckle down and Ace this quarter.
This is a feeling of excitement, and nervousness.
But i know after tonight, ill be fine, and i wont have to look up to the stars.

Friday, September 11, 2009

a wild thing, it its.

so, im trying to sleep, but i can't.i freed my hair, and its holding heat. i love it, not the heat but the look.i lay on my back and my hair surrounds my face like a lions main. king i feel. roasted almond color king.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

My wish list

My wish list. The wind blows and I'm catching the shine from the sun fall from the sky.
It feels good. It sounds beautiful,
the trees
catching the waves of the invisible air, which blows my mind to know that something is there,
even if not seen,
wind such a beautiful thing.
It feels right to make a wish, like a wish you only make when you see a shooting star.
Yet there is no shooting star, just me and the black car that's parked in the driveway of the house that known as home
Making wishes seems silly to me. But yet i do anyway.

I wish that these walls would burst, and release all the red paint that's filled in our hallways.
And all the heat that sits in our family room, keeping us trapped in our bedrooms with T.V's as our crutches.
I wish i had more to GIVE because i would give it all back if I had. Give it to them
not for me
because I have friends, friends that love me for me,
friends who know me for me, which purifies me.
home is not what it use to be to me. it use to be a place of refuge. A place where I would escape to.
now it's a place where old memories linger. Memories that taints our behaviors with anger. So this last wish is for understatement and peace
wishing all of me for us to see that simplicity is the key and the realization that love is the hardest to do especially when hate is routing for you, disguised as it often do. Surely wishing seems silly to do but that is until some of them come true.
Oh look a falling star in the sky...